


Aruetyc Al'verde

by Paragosm



Series: Aay'han [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Post-Finale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Breaks, Seeing the dead, Suicidal Intentions, survivor's guilt, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:01:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24153235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paragosm/pseuds/Paragosm
Summary: aruetyc al'verde - mando'a for traitorous commander.Rex is alone in his shuttle after Order 66 for days.
Series: Aay'han [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731409
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Aruetyc Al'verde

He was alone. The empty, vast reaches of space tore at the edges of his awareness until he hugged his knees to his body, the sound of armor clanking against armor loud in the vacuum of space. “No!” He hissed to himself. “Go away, you aren’t here!” He holds his hands over his ears, before he tries deep breathing exercises. 

In. “I am Commander Rex.” Out. “I am an Advanced Recon Commando.” In. “My designation is CT-7567.” Out. “I am….” In. “I was commander of the 501st Legion.” He begins hyperventilating. “I couldn’t save them, I couldn’t save them, I should’ve died with them, I should’ve died with them, my vod-” He swore he saw something flit by out of the corner of his eye. He shakes his head. “No, no, I’m fine, I’ve just been alone too long.” 

He rubs his face. Then he tries to sleep. 

He wakes up within a few seconds as the cries of pain and the wails of the dead screamed out at him. “Alright, I won’t sleep, it’ll be fine, I’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.” He almost hears Kix’s facepalm and almost feels his glare as soon as the words leave his mouth, but it only drives him to an even higher state of paranoia. He rocks back and forth, chewing his lips, trying to ground himself desperately. 

As the hours passed his guilt grew, the well in his gut becoming deeper. He should’ve grabbed Jesse, he could’ve, he could’ve dragged him away. Surely he could’ve. He promised Kix, he, he promised, he promised to watch his ner’vod, he promised, he failed, he failed Kix and he failed Jesse and he failed all of them, failed, failed, he should’ve sent Ahsoka on, he should’ve died on the ship too, where were his brothers? Were they lost without him? Where? Should’ve died, should’ve saved them. 

He kept rocking as the internal monologue threatened to spill over. He had Kix’s voice at the back of his mind.  _ “Survivor's guilt, Commander” _ it said  _ “That’s what this is.”  _ The voice only caused him to curl in further. He remembered the guilt written on Fives face, Tup shaking as he realized he was the only one left, Jesse, and as much as he tried to hide it, Kix, as Hardcase died, then Clocks, then Chains, then finally Jesse struggling on his own when Kix went missing.  _ They all knew a clone missing is as good as dead _ . 

He knew what it was. Didn’t mean he could stop it. He tried. “I..didn’t deserve to die, I can save other brothers-” He held his hands over his ears futilely as thoughts came crashing down. Couldn’t save them, won’t save them, coward, should’ve died with them. He starts hysterically laughing, remembering all the times he was thrown from walls and up into vents and how he always felt like this afterwards, the panicked breathing, the bloodshot eyes. 

The things flitting at the corner of his sight come into fuller view after a few days. Broken, burned, beaten,  _ betrayed _ . Vode, his vode, his men, flitted into view, his vision going in and out as he swallowed saliva to try and wet his throat, head bobbing as he struggled to keep himself awake and alert, stomach protesting for food, but he couldn’t get the bag, no, he didn’t need to get it. 

The ghoulish forms and their never ending screams of pain, of traitor, broken cries of please, the laughs and jokes and moments Rex had had with them warped beyond comprehension like some sort of mockery, didn’t leave. He told himself he earned this, his mind nailing the point home, his skull throbbing with the worst headache he’s ever had, and his stomach roiling. His tongue was swollen as he rocked and chewed his lip, not seeming to notice the blood dripping from the hole he’s worn through it. 

The ghouls have gotten louder. He’s three hours from the planet. More ghouls are here. Vere, crying out, asking why he couldn’t save him. Ince, holding his wounds, screaming, begging. The original members of Torrent, some of them young, so young, they didn’t understand what had happened, Captain come help us-

The men who’d died on Orto Plutonia screeched, their cries as chilled as the planet they’d died on, Caheg asking with blue lips, black extremities, and an ankle twisted so far around it was backwards why no one came for him, he’d lived, he survived the fall, why didn’t they come for him? 

Joker, Primm, Trixie, and Firedrake circled him, along with their brothers, coughing, wheezing, the blue shade of the virus they had died from and the burns from blasters on those who weren’t exposed to it perpetrating even in death as the sisters cursed his name, screaming out the gory details of their slow deaths. 

Tucker, Slammer and Axe, forms melted and blown apart, pleading to know why he’d let Ahsoka kill them, he should’ve stopped her, could’ve stopped her, surely he could’ve. Denal, armor stolen after being killed, asking why they didn’t notice it wasn’t him, they left him, he was left, his second skin taken, how could this happen ori’vod-

Redeye, Mixer, Bingo, unnamed shiny after unnamed shiny, the most recent named dead Aftermath, Frog, Click, Omen, InsectArpatBriikaseHappyCaCin'ciriBoneVioletDelicate-

Voices and tortured cries blended together in his head like the names and numbers of those making them. One hour from the planet he couldn’t bear it anymore and reached for the pistols in the bag, the screams of the dead seeming to increase as he lifted one to his temple. He paused. “Ahsoka…” He pulled the trigger, falling back lifelessly. 

The pistol, still set to stun, clattered to the floor.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments? I thrive off the validation and am motivated by it ^^


End file.
